2. Also: When I originally posted my pictures, only LOGGED IN MEMBERS could see photos. Now I can see my pictures BEFORE I log in… which means everyone else can too! eeek! When did that change? I want privacy and will remove my diary if photos are public now. I’m taking down most of my posts since I can’t figure out how to make photos available to logged in members only.

3. Skin update: It’s been just over two years since I started Accutane and  about a year and a half since I completed my course. My skin isn’t perfect now; I generally have one whitehead at any given time and loads of clogged pores. But it’s better than the awful cysts I used to have! As long as I keep my hands off my face, a dab of concealer makes me feel perfectly presentable.

I finished my course 14 months ago, and my skin has been mostly wonderful ever since. If you’re wondering about life after treatment, this has been my experience:

1. Thinning hair – At the end of my course, I fretted about thinning hair. My hair had become so dry and brittle that it was breaking off in handfuls when I showered. I was terribly worried, but fourteen months later, it’s not a concern. Deep conditioning treatments have helped. I like Hair Mayonnaise, which I use every 7 – 10 days. It’s in the ethnic hair products section at the drug store.
LESSON LEARNED: MY HAIR WASN’T PERMANENTLY DAMAGED.

See? My hair is fine. Also: PUPPIES!!

2. Picking – Many people get cystic acne because of hormones, genetics, etc. Not me. It’s difficult to admit this, but my skin problem was partly my own fault: When I was nervous, I picked at my face. Eventually, I irritated my mild-to-moderate acne until it was out of control and required Accutane. I often picked at clogged pores that were invisible to everyone but me. During my Accutane course, I kept my hands off of my face AT ALL TIMES, which aided my recovery. Two months ago, I had a mild relapse and nervously picked at my face for two days in a row. My skin flared up and broke out for weeks. It’s only now under control.
LESSON LEARNED: EVEN AFTER ACCUTANE, YOUR SKIN WILL BREAK OUT IF YOU ABUSE IT.

You can kinda see the breakout here... It was worse than this. Sorry to say, but the handsome man on the right is NOT a side effect. He's a MIRACLE.

3. Skin Products – After my course, I kept to a very simple but effective skin care routine:
- Wash with Cetapil cleanser
- Moisturize with Clean & Clear Oil-Free moisturizer, only when dry
- DON’T PICK
This routine worked so well that I became complacent and forgot that I need to choose skin products carefully. And perhaps I thought that because I had taken Accutane, my skin would be perfect no matter what I did. So I began using my boyfriend’s harsher face wash when I was at his house, which irritated my face and made it red. I bought a different moisturizer because it was on sale, and it clogged my pores. I freaked out and picked my skin, which led to the aforementioned breakout. I returned to my original skincare routine, and my skin recovered.
LESSON LEARNED: EVEN AFTER ACCUTANE, ONE MUST CHOOSE SKIN PRODUCTS CAREFULLY.

4. Hair Products: I am still struggling to find moisturizing hair products that will tame my naturally curly hair and NOT break me out. Hair Mayonnaise is a good conditioner, but be sure to wear a shower cap while you’re treating your hair so the product doesn’t get on your face, and be careful not to let it get on your skin when you rinse it out! It WILL make you break out. I learned this the hard way. Since I can’t find a good frizz/curl product, I’m straightening my hair, which looks nice but is too damaging to do forever. I’m looking for a good cream/gel product for curls that I can use on my hair after I shower. If you have any recommendations, please share!!

CONCLUSIONS: I’m still extremely pleased with my results and happy I took Accutane. Now I don’t touch my face the moment I wake up, worrying that I’ve broken out overnight. I don’t style my hair to hide my acne. I wear red lipstick. When I met my boyfriend’s parents, I didn’t worry about what they would think of my skin. It’s not perfect, but the flaws are only visible upon close scrutiny, and the only person who gets that close loves me anyway–even when I was recently broken out. Life is good.

This picture was taken last night. I'm wearing minimal makeup--powder and mascara? I am by no means perfect, but I'm happy with what I have. Also: QUESTIONABLE CONTENT, AUTOGRAPHED BY JEPH JACQUES, WHEEEE!

March 5, 2009: Hell broke loose in Week 5.

My skin got worse and worse.

April 1, 2009: Week 9 was painful.

May 13, 2009: Things began to look better in week 15.

During my treatment, I realized that I had aggravated my skin (and maybe even caused most of my acne!!) by picking at it. When I learned to keep my hands off of my face, my skin quickly began to improve. I cannot over-emphasize the importance of not picking!!

July 31, 2009: I was happy with my skin. My doctor advised me to continue taking the pills so the results would be permanent.

During my treatment, all of my close friends moved far away. When I finished the Accutane, I was ready to go out into the world and meet new people. I don’t think I could have done it if my skin had been bad, but clearer skin boosted my confidence. Better skin doesn’t change one’s life, but it makes certain things easier.

I finished my course at the end of August, and since then my skin has balanced out. It produces enough oil to keep itself supple, but I don’t feel like a greasy mess and I often go with no makeup except mascara and powder.

I was nervous about tanning after Accutane because I’d heard horror stories from friends who took it and accidentally burned themselves to a crisp. But in October, I began tanning again at the salon and gradually built up a tan with no ill effects. And I do mean gradually! I tanned 3 times a week for for 3 minutes each time. Then I tanned 3 times a week for for 5 minutes each time. The next week I went for 7 minutes each time, and then I decided I was quite brown enough and now I tan once every other week. Despite the Accutane, I have never burned. This might be due in part to my Italian heritage.

My hair is noticeably thinner and more fragile. Between June and January, I was growing my hair out and didn’t see my stylist. When I finally visited him, he couldn’t believe  my hair’s condition. He kept asking me what had happened. Had I been wearing my hair in ponytails too often? Had it  been chemically processed? I tried to explain Accutane, but he had never heard of it and didn’t understand. I was embarrassed. And no matter how often I clean, my bathroom floor is COVERED in hair. I worry about it.

January 18, 2010: No makeup! No acne! I took this picture to show my sister the hair ornament I'd just made, but it does a good job of showing my skin and thinner hair, too.

This week I got the first blemishes I’ve had since I stopped taking Accutane. They were small, and probably due to hormones, and they did not become awful and inflamed because I didn’t pick them. So I’m not too worried. But I hope they aren’t followed by more!

February 1, 2010: The small blemish by my mouth is the first I've had in months.

So overall, my experience was VERY POSITIVE and the reason I’m writing this is to reflect on that. I’m happy I took Accutane, and I want to encourage those of you who are taking it now and feeling discouraged. It WILL get better.

Love,
Jen

It’s been two months since I took my last pill, and I have good news: It’s still working! I was afraid that my face would erupt as soon as I stopped taking Accutane, but everything still looks good.

There is NO WAY I would have worn red lipstick eight months ago.

In case you want to know what Life After the Pills might be like, this was my experience:
- Two weeks after: My mouth and eyes began to feel normal again. My skin became a bit less fragile. I was losing more hair than usual. NO SPOTS.

- One month after: My skin looked great and only felt slightly little dry. I applied pressed powder in the morning and never needed to reapply it. I had a few clogged pores. They were invisible, but I could feel them. In the past, I would have picked them until they turned into big red zits. This time I left them alone, and they were gone in a day or two. My period came two weeks late. I think this was related to stopping the Accutane. I lost handfuls of hair during every shower. NO SPOTS.

- Two months after: I am still happy with the way my skin looks, and it isn’t as dry as it was last month. I apply pressed powder in the morning, and I need to reapply it again at the end of the work day. My period was still out of whack, and came only three weeks after the previous one.  My hair is noticeably thinner than it was before Accutane. STILL NO SPOTS.

I wonder if the hair loss is related to Amnesteem. I took Sotret for five months. It made me depressed, but I didn’t lose an abnormal amount of hair while I took it. During my last month, I took Amnesteem. I felt happy, but that is when my hair began to thin. I hope my hair doesn’t become any thinner. Does anyone know if I can expect the hair I’ve lost to grow back?

My daily routine has changed. I used to hide behind my bangs (uh, I mean fringe?) and wear a mask of concealer, foundation, blush, and powder. Now I’ve grown my bangs out. I wear cream blush and a bit of pressed powder on my nose and forehead. I don’t fret over my appearance the way I did before. I don’t feel like I need to hide my face.

I have very faint scars on this cheek, but they are fading.

I hope that everyone else is as happy as I am with their results. Good luck to you!!

She's supposed to be in high school?! She looks 37!

The text says, “Meet Jeanmarie Lussier and a group typical of her lively teen-age friends. She’s a budding artist, writer too, and she’s going on to drama school. When you’re so much the center of activity as Jeanmarie, don’t face the embarrassment of pimples…

Read what Jeanmarie did: ‘I had frequent blackheads and blemishes. I tried everything and had nearly given up when I heard about Clearasil. Clearasil ended my problems, and now I’ve been chosen Miss Photogenic of New Mexico.’”

I almost DIED laughing at this. Because, like, there is NOTHING better than a pageant title. And zit cream OBVIOUSLY has the power to turn us all into beauty pageant queens. Right? Right?

Ha.

In other news, I’ve dicovered that one brand of Accutane is NOT necessarily equal to another. Stay tuned!

Hi, everyone!

For those of you who are just tuning in, I took 7,500 mg of Accutane over a five month period, and my scary skin cleared up like WHOA (yay!). I’ve been off of the pills for a month, and I’m happy to report that it only took two weeks for the side effects to go away. Once again I am my usual self–optimistic, slightly sappy, often silly! My skin is normal again, too. It’s not dry, flaky, or greasy. It just feels good, and I don’t cut myself as easily anymore. The best part?

MY EYES AREN’T GRITTY AND MY LIPS AREN’T FALLING OFF MY FACE!

A huge monster zit popped up on my right cheek two weeks ago. It had been silently lurking under the surface for months. I was glad when it surfaced, because then it could go away. It was the second-to-last of the hidden volcanoes. There is still one hiding by my left eyebrow, but I don’t care because it’s invisible.

Today I saw my derm for the last time. She convinced me that even though my skin looks good, I should take 2,400 mg more to ensure that the results will be permanent. After five months of Accutane, I would HATE for the acne to return later. The thought makes me want to cry! So I’m going to get it over with and take 80 mg a day for the next month. I’m dreading the chapped lips and the bad moods, but I can grit my teeth and do it for 30 more days.

So I’ll be here to commiserate, complain, and try to make you smile. Hope you’re feeling well and looking clear!

I think I’ve described the iPledge program and the ridiculous things that American women must do to get Accutane. Every month we must have blood drawn for a pregnancy test and a liver test. After the results return, we have a few days to go online, log into the iPledge website, and take a patronizing test to prove that we know how to prevent pregnancy. After that, we have 3 days to go to the pharmacy and get Accutane. If you fail to do one of these steps within the required window of time, you must start over, get more blood drawn, etc.

I had my blood drawn on Friday, June 26. The results were returned on Monday, June 29. I was told that I had until the end of the week to take the iPledge test. I logged into the iPledge website on Friday morning and was told that my blood test had already expired, and I needed another one. Excuse me?! I don’t think so!!! I’m uninsured and paying almost $200 for my bloodwork every month, and I can NOT afford to do another one. This is baloney.

I looked in the mirror.
I decided that I like what I see.
I decided that I am done with Accutane.
I took my last pill on Sunday, July 5.
YAY!!!

Final stats:
Length of time on Accutane: 5 months
First month: 20 mg/day
Second month: 30 mg/day
Third month: 60 mg/day
Fourth month: 60 mg/day
Fifth month: 80 mg/day
Total ingested: 7,500 mg

My doctor wanted me to take a total of 9,900 mg. I still have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for the end of July, so if I break out badly beteween now and then, I’ll get more Accutane at the end of the month. But I’m not sure it’s necessary, and I’m so ready to be finished.  I’m sick of having to glue my mouth back on every hour! I hate tearing my hands open every time I touch something. I’m tired of being red-eyed and avoiding the sunshine.

two days post-Accutane

I’m learning that my skin is happiest when it’s left alone. My skin does not like to be touched or picked. It does not like moisturizer, exfoliation, or heavy-duty cleansers. In the morning, I wash my face with lukewarm water. I use minimal makeup (pressed powder, lip gloss, and eye makeup). At night I wash with Cetaphil cleanser. That’s it. I should probably use an eye cream; I smile so much now that I’m probably going to get bad crow’s feet.

4 days post-Accutane... Oh no, a teeny-tiny hormonal pimple!

This  morning I woke up with a small pimple. For a moment my heart stopped, but then I remembered that a lot of women say they break out around their period, even after taking Accutane.  One teeny-tiny hormonal pimple is NOTHING compared to the half-dozen huge tender cysts I used to get every month. This is a huge improvement. I’m human, and I wasn’t expecting perfection.  I can live with this.

Here’s a question for the veterans: I’m feeling strange. I hurt all over. My ribs ache as if I was punched. My joints hurt, even my toes. I’m thirstier than I’ve been in months, and my mood is taking a nosedive. Do the side effects get worse as the Accutane leaves one’s system?

I promise I’ll be back to report on life post-Accutane. Good luck to you, keep going, keep smiling, and hibernate with movies, snacks, and cozy blankets when you’re feeling sad. It’s worth it!

P.S
This is totally random, but listen to the Dodos and Ruby Suns and British Sea Power. They are AWESOME. I cannot stop listening to them. Yay!

LET THE FUN BEGIN!

You’re probably thinking Ok Jen, that is lovely but what does it have to do with Accutane?!

It has a LOT do do with Accutane!

1. Bonnaroo is an outdoor music festival where you stand in the hot sun all day, being burned to a crisp, while you listen to music. Every time I’ve gone to Bonnaroo, I’ve gotten a sunburn, so I was nervous about being at Bonnaroo while taking Accutane. But I discovered that if one reapplies sport sunscreen every hour, wears a hat, and sticks to the shade whenever possible, one CAN go to a four-day outdoor festival while taking Accutane without being sunburnt. I’ll admit, my shoulders burned a little on Saturday. But I was very careful on Sunday, and by Monday they were just tanned–not burned.

2. I was so worried about sunburn that I didn’t take my pills while I was at Bonnaroo. My doctor said it was okay to stop taking the pills, or take the pills every other day, if the side effects were too bad. This was the first time I took her up on that. For those of you who are wondering, you will NOT turn into a scary pizzaface the moment you stop taking your pills. I was worried about it, too–but it didn’t happen! Also, I noticed that my eyes were less irritated when I wasn’t taking the pills.

3. At Bonnaroo there are few showers, no sinks, and no mirrors. Girls run around with no makeup for four days. Six months ago, I couldn’t have gone to Bonnaroo because my skin was so bad. But after almost five months of Accutane, I enjoyed myself without ever thinking of my skin.

AND AT ONE POINT, I STOOD DIRECTLY NEXT TO TRENT REZNOR AND THE CUTE GUY FROM WILCO, AND FELT PERFECTLY PRETTY.

Wow. Thanks, Accutane.

Two days after returning from Bonnaroo, I’m back on the pills. Look at my eyebrow and you’ll see where I gouged myself with the tweezers. Accutane skin is WAY too delicate! I also have my first spot in a few weeks up by my hairline, but it’s small and I’m not concerned. The hat probably irritated my skin, that’s all.

I hope you all are enjoying the sunshine–in moderation–and having a good week.

I use these videos: http://www.lotteberkmethod.net/store.html